The women drawn to small groups have an inner urge to seek out this substance. There is no desire on their part to appear “deep” or “edgy.” It just seems exhausting to them to put on a show of caring about what doesn’t really matter. The more you strip down to the essentials, the more you will automatically weed out those who thrive on superficiality. You’ll be left with two or three people who are ready to explore the deeper meaning of life, and the rest will fall away as they are not getting what they came for.
2. Low tolerance for social performance
Large groups have their performative aspect too. You have to laugh at the right times and join in what sociologists refer to as social grooming. Among humans, gossip is one common form of social grooming.
Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist, made some very interesting observations in Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language, suggesting that gossip, or “vocal grooming,” played an important part in the evolution of the human species, allowing us to live in larger social groups compared to other primates. But for many women, this “cost” feels like just too much.